I have attempted blogs before, I think 3 or 4 times. I stick with them for a while and the they just fade out as I get distracted or run out of things to talk about. However, right now I’m at a place where I need to write things down and verbally process them because keeping them in my head is not benefiting anyone, especialy me.
I am hoping that this will also be a place for me to provide information about enneagram coaching (I am a type 9w1) and my podcast I started 2 years ago and has been a great outlet for me to use my voice and to include the voice of others through interviews and discussions.
I’m not sure what the last 18 months to 2 years has been for you, but it’s been such a weird, crazy journey for me. A pandemic we’re still in the middle of, a contentious presedential election, Black Lives Matter protests, police brutality, an insurrection, and more conspiracy theories about all of the above than you know what to do with being spread by those you once considered close or respected all over social media. It’s been interesting to say the least.
When I became more vocal about protecting others who were vulnerable during the pandemic (masks, vaccines, and soclal distancing) and began to speak up for my brothers and sisters of color I saw people who I thought were friends or who I at least respected get ruffled and up in arms about anything I said. There were some who blocked me on social medial all together, some that I didn’t find out until much later had unfriended me, and some I had to set strong boundaries with in order to protect my own mental health and to prevent a continuous cycle of confrontation on every shared post or my own words. There were several people who have my phone number that decided to block/attack/or completely ignore instead of just shooting me a text and talking to me about it. I can’t control other’s actions, but it’s disappointing none the less. My communication skills are not always the best, but to put the majority of the responsibility on me when you decided to push me outside of whatever boundaries you have seems disingenuous and lacking the ability to own up to decisions you personally made when it comes to our relationship.
I would say all of these people, minus one or two, were people I either attended church with in the past, had some sort of ministry connection with, or attend church with currently – which ends up adding onto the disappointment. It shouldn’t be this way, but it’s showing up that way more and more as things progress in areas of not just politics, but just how people decide to interpret the second greatest commandment – love your neighbor as yourself.
This has lead to me taking a step back and working through deconstructing my faith – deciding what I believe, holding onto foundations of truth, and figuring out what it all looks like moving forward. I’m not walking away from God, my faith, or anything like that – but it’s going to be different than it was before and, I believe, more true to who Jesus is. This is how I am reconstructing me.
I’m sure I will write more on interactions with others, on some of the disappointments and frustrations I’ve experienced, and how leaning into and learning about the Eastern Orthodox Church has been my anchor through this process.
I hope this is relatable for some, encouraging for some, and challenging for others. Stay tuned for podcast episodes discussing this subject and maybe a few surprises along the way.
How has your faith changed or grown recently?