Men’s ministry.
Those two words right there cause a lot of feelings in people. For some it is a feeling of brotherhood and friendship, for some it’s fellowship doing things with other guys that you have in common, and for some it causes mixed feelings of insecurity, hurt, and frustration.
I have always had a difficult time with what the church identifies a man or men’s ministry. I have never fallen into what the church considers a man or someone who would come to or be involved in the men’s ministry. My own personal experiences do no reflect the church I attend now or a particular church at all, but a combination of my observations and experiences with the church in general.
In my mind when I hear those to words this is the image that comes to mind: a bunch of men, in their 40′s and 50′s either sitting around together in a church classroom drinking coffee and talking about hunting, sports, their businesses, and cars or all of these men going on trips together to fish, hunt, or camp. When that image comes to mind I want to run away as far as I possibly can. It’s not me, it doesn’t reach me, it doesn’t impact me at all to do that. I am not the person that the majority of men’s ministries reach out to or that the church’s idea of a man is.
I will be the first one to admit that I have given into a lot of stereotypes about the whole situation that are not true and some of my feelings are probably completely baseless if I were to give it a chance. The issue is that there has never been anything presented to me in the context of men’s ministry that has caused me to see past the stereotypes and misconceptions and be drawn into what they are offering.
I know that there are very effective men’s ministries that have deeply impacted and changed the lives of men across the country, I’ve heard stories and have met people that have come out of those types of ministries. But for me, it’s like meeting someone who said they were changed by a pink, flying unicorn – it’s nice and I can tell it’s changed, but, personally, I’ve never met one. I know I’m probably coming off as cynical, but I’m just being honest.
I was thinking about this whole issue today because of some great things happening with some guys I have met through Twitter and because of a conversation that I had about a month ago that got this whole thing going. What is the real issue here? Is the issue that the church has a misconstrued definition of who a man is and how he should be ministered to or is the issue that we’ve gotten so comfortable with accepting that we will never be a part of the “men’s ministry” we have become complacent to actually do anything about it?
We always throw around the phrase “if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it” but the opposite is true. If we are at a church that we love, feel connected to, and know that God has us there to use us and the gifts he has given us, why are we willing to allow an opportunity for growth and maturity to pass us by because we don’t fit in? Why are we not seeking out other guys in the church that feel the same way you do and try to put something together that will meet the needs of those individuals? That is something I’m internalizing because I am excited about what God is doing in me and through the group of men I have connected with through social media, but I still need guys that I can go out with and have a coffee or grab dinner with and have a real, tangible relationship with in person. Accountability, prayer, encouragement. We all need that.
So, what do we do? Where do we go from here? Men, I’m talking to you. I know I’m not alone in this, I’ve talked to you and heard your frustrations. If the church is not reaching out to men as a whole, not just the ones that fit into the stereotype of church guys, what can we do to change that? Who do we meet with, who do we talk to, what things can we do quickly so that we can become better men, husbands, and fathers? In your church, in my church.
What has been your experience with men’s ministries? What can you do now to make changes?
I know that you and I have talked A LOT about this. This is the same issue I have had in the past. I would love to try and start something new at our church. But they are in this season of actually cutting/scaling back on “non essential” programs. So the way they look at it is…”We already have a men’s group why do we need to have another one” But if I wanna start one on my own I can…but they won’t advertise it on the church website or let me make any announcements during church to make people aware. so its kinda odd situation.
But I know there’s gotta be other guys like me in my church body.. I know there is I just don;t know about how to go around to getting to talk to them all .
But I can definitely say I LOVE YOU MAN. You are my bro from another mo.. and Im so glad to be able build a friendship with you.
Adam,
“But I know there’s gotta be other guys like me in my church body.. I know there is I just don;t know about how to go around to getting to talk to them all. ”
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Raise a banner, Adam. The Lord will reveal it to those who He wants you to know and truly fellowship with. Simple as that.
Adam,
Have you considered simply “going rogue” and doing a men’s group on your own, in your house, away from your local church influence and such?
Just a thought.
If you start it, they will come. Believe that.
I will gladly and unashamedly confess that the men I fellowship with are manly men: strong in character, resolute in purpose, slightly intimidating, yet unapologetically committed to our Father.
We also greet one another with a kiss on the neck and openly embrace as brothers. We regularly use casual touch to display affection, and when the Spirit moves on us in power, we are known to tear up and weep.
We can protect and we can attack. We can inflict and we can heal. It is a wonderful balance of our masculinity mixed ever so precisely with the kind of masculinity brought about by the Spirit.
My brothers are warriors, and they are friends and confidants. Nothing is unknown between us, and when one of us gets flighty or sketchy, the others rise to the challenge and bring correction, or encouragement.
There is a group of guys just like that for you, Brandon. It’s simply a matter of discovering them.
Excellent post Brandon. We’ve had this convo before and I stand true to what you are touching on here. If the place where you worship doesn’t provide what you need, you either need to go somewhere else or start something yourself. We need to stop relying on orgs and believe in the body of Christ (not the congregations, but Christians). I think that’s the foundation of Fe. We are doing this as men with no stereotypes, no bullcrap but honesty, sincerity and truth. I long for physical interaction too. If you have the chance to do that I would highly recommend it. Nothing like the embrace, the laugh, the expression of a brother.
Thanks for writing this.
Brandon,
As a guy who hasn’t ever fit in with the traditional men’s group, I can strongly relate to this. I find men, especially those that are intimidating, to cause me to want to run from any group.
That’s why, up till now, I’ve never been a part of any men’s group.
And I’m at a loss, wondering what’s wrong with me and why I can’t relate to them.
Recently, I was told by a friend, “I find you most intimidating because you’re so quiet and confident about your faith.”
It’s the exact opposite of what I find in men’s groups.
So I’m not sure if I’m right or wrong, but I know I’m happy. And I love God. And I’ll praise Him in my own little corner.
Oh, Brandon….some of these comments make my inner child cry.